A Deeper Motivation

My grandmother recently published a book – her second in fact. It’s being sold online and in Barnes & Noble stores all around. This is my dream! My dad would speak of her manuscripts and her many book ideas floating around for years and years. In my younger days I painted her to be a hero, and by some possible influence from her, I gained the same ability and passion for writing. I gained her creative mind.


Death at Sunrise relates the story of the last public hanging carried out in the United States. Fiction mixes with fact as the reader follows Rainey from his beginning in Virginia to the small, rural town of Owensboro, Kentucky, in the early 1930s where his trial and hanging brought headlines from around the world.

The world around me brings many ideas to mind: a poem about loving an enemy who deeply hates, a poem about “shooting the messenger”, an art concept depicting a kiss as a bee’s brief visit to a flower… I may have all these ideas, but rarely does something motivate me enough to take on these projects, to take initiative.

Just seeing her book on my bookshelf though, with her picture on the back and with mention of my dad and even myself… I feel so inspired. I wouldn’t mind if I were not the next Dotoevsky (though the idea is enticing). I wouldn’t care if I sold one or one thousand books. As long as I’m up in the rankings with my flesh and blood, I’ll feel I’ve done well. When it comes to this dream, I’m stuck in the childish mindset: “make grandma proud!’

For some reason, though. I feel it’ll be worth it. What a bonding opportunity!

Is there something that deeply motivates you? If it’s an object of sentiment, do you keep it in plain sight?

I recently came across my 7th grade school certificates. One for doing excellent work in algebra, another for being a great office worker (twice!), one for being in drama and art club, another for being in honor roll, and more. I don’t even remember needing motivation back in 7th grade. I just did it. I acted on productive impulses with no inhibitions. What happened to that?

I want to get back to that point. I’m going to set these, along with my grandmother’s book, somewhere in my room in plain sight so I pass them every day and think:

“If she can do it, I can do it… without any inhibitions.”



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